Why Childhood Trauma Still Affects You As An Adult (And How to Finally Heal)
- Untangled Minds
- Jul 27, 2025
- 9 min read
Updated: Aug 20, 2025
“You’re not broken. You’re carrying something that was never yours to hold.”
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re tired.
Tired of the same emotional cycles repeating.
Tired of feeling too much, or nothing at all.
Tired of doing all the “right things”; therapy, journaling, trying to stay positive, and still wondering why it feels so heavy inside.
You might look around at your life and think,
“I should be fine. I have so much to be grateful for. Others have it much worse”
And yet, a deeper part of you knows something’s still not quite right. Something feels off.
There’s a sadness you can’t name. A fog you can’t shake. A tension in your body that never fully settles. And a deep void you can’t fill with anything and everything you’ve done.
Let us begin by saying this:
You are not overreacting. You are not weak. You are not failing.
You’re living out the long echo of pain that began in childhood — a pain that wasn’t your fault, and a wound that still deserves care.
What Really Counts as Childhood Trauma?
When people hear “childhood trauma,” they often picture catastrophic events: physical abuse, sexual violence, or severe neglect. And yes, those are trauma.
But there’s another kind — the one that’s more invisible, and often overlooked.
“Childhood trauma is not only about what happened to you - it’s also about what didn’t happen for you. The love you didn’t receive. The safety you didn’t feel. The person who should have protected you but didn’t.”
This includes things like:
Being constantly criticized, shamed, or belittled
Growing up in a household where emotions weren’t safe
Witnessing parents fighting, divorcing, or emotionally withdrawing
Having to take care of siblings or parents — losing your own childhood
Feeling unseen, unheard, or like a burden
This kind of wounding is what we call developmental trauma or complex trauma. And its impact runs deep — not because you’re “too sensitive,” but because your nervous system was still forming.
7 Signs Your Childhood Trauma Is Still Affecting You Today
If you often feel confused about why life feels so hard despite your efforts, you may be living out unresolved patterns from the past. Here are common signs:
1. You people-please to avoid conflict or rejection.
You smile when you’re dying inside. You say yes when you want to scream no. Why? Because, once upon a time, safety depended on being “good.”
2. You struggle with boundaries.
You either give too much, or shut people out completely. Healthy middle grounds feel foreign or unsafe.
3. You live with chronic self-doubt and shame.
No matter how much you achieve, there’s a voice inside saying: “It’s not enough. I’m not enough.”
4. Your relationships feel intense, confusing, or unsafe.
You chase emotionally unavailable partners. Or you fear intimacy altogether. You long for connection but fear being abandoned.
5. You feel emotionally numb or dissociated.
You go through the motions but don’t feel fully alive. Sometimes, it’s like you’re watching your life from the outside.
6. You experience anxiety, hypervigilance, or burnout.
Your body is always bracing — like something bad could happen any moment. You may call it “overthinking,” but it’s actually survival wiring.
7. You carry a deep sense of loneliness — even around people.
No amount of socializing seems to fill the void. That emptiness is not a defect. It’s the echo of emotional absence you once endured.
Why Trauma Doesn’t Just Go Away
Here’s the truth most people don’t realize:
“Trauma isn’t just a story in your mind. It’s a survival imprint in your nervous system.”
When something overwhelming happened in childhood — or when nurturing was absent — your body had to find a way to cope.
It adapted. It survived.
But the problem is, those same patterns (numbing, perfectionism, people-pleasing, dissociation) keep running in adulthood — even when the threat is long gone.
And because trauma often begins before we had words or conscious memory, it hides not in logic, but in sensation. In emotion. In our breath. Our posture. Our muscle tension. Our relational reflexes.
This is why “just talking about it” often isn’t enough.
Healing Begins With Understanding — And With the Body
To truly heal from childhood trauma, it’s not enough to simply change how you think. That’s the approach many of us were taught — to be more logical, to reframe, to “get over it.” And while understanding your story is important, it’s only part of the picture.
“Because trauma isn’t just stored in your mind — it’s held in your body, your nervous system, and the younger emotional parts of you that never got the chance to feel safe.”
That tightness in your chest?
The shutdown when someone raises their voice?
The compulsion to overwork, to be perfect, to avoid rest?
These aren’t random. They’re imprints — echoes of a time when your body had to survive something overwhelming.
As a child, if you didn’t feel emotionally safe — if your cries were ignored, your needs dismissed, or your vulnerability met with punishment or neglect — your system did the only thing it knew how to do: it adapted. It went into survival mode.
But now, as an adult, those very adaptations might be the things keeping you stuck.
So what does healing actually require?
1. Restoring Safety in the Nervous System
Trauma wires your body to anticipate danger — even when you’re not in danger anymore. You might find yourself in constant fight (irritability, tension), flight (busyness, anxiety), freeze (numbness, exhaustion), or fawn (people-pleasing, over-accommodating).
Healing involves helping your nervous system feel safe enough to soften.
This doesn’t happen through willpower. It happens through regulation practices: breath, movement, co-regulation with safe people, grounding in the present moment. It’s about slowly teaching your body:
“You’re not in that past anymore. You’re here now. And you’re safe.”
2. Reconnecting with the Younger Parts of You
Inside each of us live the echoes of our younger selves — the child who longed to be held, who needed to be seen, who didn’t know how to cope with chaos, rejection, or fear.
These parts don’t disappear with age. They simply go underground, carrying the pain, the unmet needs, the frozen memories.
Healing means bringing them back into relationship with your adult self. Learning to listen to them, care for them, and speak the words they never got to hear:
“You didn’t deserve that.”
“I see how much you hurt.”
“You’re safe with me now.”
This is what we call inner child healing — not just a concept, but a relational process of returning to the parts of you that were left behind and offering them the care they never received.
3. Creating What Was Missing: Love, Protection, and Attunement
Many people try to heal by “letting go” of the past. But true healing is not just about release — it’s about receiving what you never got.
That might mean:
Learning how to comfort yourself without shame
Setting boundaries without guilt
Feeling your feelings without fearing you’ll be overwhelmed
Being held in safe relationships that don’t recreate your trauma
“Healing is not about becoming someone new — it’s about slowly remembering who you were before the world told you to harden, shrink, or disappear."
It’s not fast. It’s not linear. But it’s possible. And it begins — always — by coming back to your body, and coming back to yourself.
The Inner Child Isn’t Just a Metaphor — It’s a Part of You
The “inner child” isn’t some abstract self-help idea. It’s a real part of your nervous system, your emotional memory, your psyche.
That part still lives inside you:
The one who froze when parents fought
The one who got scolded for crying
The one who tried to be perfect to avoid being hurt again
The one who never got to say, “I’m scared. I need you.”
These younger parts don’t grow up with time.
They grow up with tending.
With listening. With reparenting.
So How Do You Start Healing?
There’s no one-size-fits-all path. But here are some practices you can explore:
1. Build Somatic Awareness
Start noticing your body:
Where do you clench?
When do you freeze or shut down?
What sensations arise during conflict or stress?
Your body is speaking. Start learning its language.
2. Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Blame
Whenever you hear the inner critic, pause and ask:
“Whose voice is this?”
Then gently speak to yourself like you would to a small child:
“It’s okay to feel this. You’re not bad. You’re just hurting.”
3. Connect with Your Inner Child
Close your eyes. Picture a younger you.
What does that child need right now?
How can you show up for them — even if nobody did back then?
Write them a letter. Let them respond. Begin a dialogue.
4. Seek Trauma-Informed Therapy
Healing doesn’t have to be done alone.
Yes, you can read the books.
Yes, you can do the journaling, the somatic work, the mindfulness practices.
But for many trauma survivors, the deeper healing happens in relationship — especially in one where you don’t have to perform, protect, or pretend.
“A trauma-informed therapist offers not just tools — but a safe, attuned presence your nervous system may have never experienced before.”
A trauma-informed therapist will:
Prioritize safety (emotional, physical, relational)
You’ll never be forced to share more than you’re ready for. The therapeutic space is not just confidential — it’s consensual.
Understand the impact of trauma on the brain and nervous system
They recognize signs of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — and help you track them in real time, without judgment.
Help you understand your symptoms as adaptations, not disorders
Anxiety, shutdown, people-pleasing, perfectionism — these aren’t who you are. They’re strategies your system once used to survive. Together, you’ll explore the why behind them.
Hold space for all parts of you — even the ones you judge or fear
Whether it’s a scared inner child, an angry protector, or a numb adult self, trauma-informed therapy welcomes them all. You won’t be pathologized — you’ll be understood.
Support regulation before processing
You’ll learn how to feel safe in your body first, before going into any difficult memories. This makes the healing process sustainable, not retraumatizing.
Work collaboratively with you
Your therapist doesn’t lead you into the dark. They walk with you, holding a lamp as you explore your inner landscape.
What kinds of therapies are trauma-informed?
So, what exactly is trauma-informed therapy?
Trauma-informed therapy is not a technique — it’s a philosophy.
It’s an approach grounded in the understanding that:
Trauma lives in the body, not just in the mind
Survival patterns (like dissociation, shutdown, hypervigilance) are adaptations, not flaws
Safety, choice, and empowerment must be at the heart of every interaction
Rather than pushing you to “go back and revisit everything,” trauma-informed therapy meets you where you are, with gentleness and respect for your pace. It recognizes that healing doesn’t come from reliving the pain — it comes from having new experiences of safety, connection, and choice.
What kinds of therapies are trauma-informed?
There are many modalities that can be trauma-informed in the hands of a skilled practitioner. Some of the most commonly used approaches include:
IFS (Internal Family Systems): Works with your inner parts (e.g., your inner child, protectors, critics) in a non-shaming way
Somatic Experiencing: Focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body and nervous system
EMDR: Uses bilateral stimulation to process traumatic memories safely
Polyvagal-Informed Therapy: Helps restore nervous system balance through body-based awareness
MEMI: A newer technique involving mindful eye movements to reduce emotional overwhelm
Each therapist may integrate these differently, but the key is that you feel safe, respected, and empowered.
Healing is Not Just Remembering — It’s Repatterning
In trauma-informed therapy, your nervous system learns something it might never have known before:
✨ “It’s safe to feel.”
✨ “It’s okay to take up space.”
✨ “I can set boundaries and still be loved.”
✨ “I don’t have to do this alone.”
These are not things you can simply tell yourself. They are felt experiences — and often, it’s the therapeutic relationship itself that becomes the vehicle for those new experiences.
5. Regulate the Nervous System Daily
Try practices like:
Breathwork (long exhales help activate calm)
Grounding (feet on the floor, orienting to your environment)
Movement (gentle stretching, shaking, walking in nature)
Pendulation (moving between distress and safety)
Safety is built in micro-moments. One breath at a time.
You Are Not Too Damaged to Heal
If no one has told you this before, let me say it clearly:
“The fact that you’re reading this — that you’re seeking healing — is proof of your strength.”
Your trauma is not your fault.
Your patterns were once protection.
And healing is not about becoming someone new — it’s about remembering who you were before the world told you otherwise.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If this article speaks to you, know that you’re not alone in this journey. Healing from childhood trauma is tender, sacred work. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
Whether through therapy, community, or self-led practices — your healing is valid, your pain makes sense, and your future is still yours to reclaim.
P.S. If you find that your childhood trauma is still affecting you even as an adult, consider getting the Inner Child Healing Journal. In our experience, the chapters on Nervous System Regulation and Reparenting Your Inner Child would be really helpful for kickstarting your healing journey.
Please click this link to learn more about the Journal:
